Love…
As I think about this word I wonder, what is LOVE? We frequently throw out the word or the words
“I love you”. I mean let’s face it, I
love my animals, I love my family, I love my friends, I love what I do. But what is love? We as a culture are bombarded with LOVE in
February in regard to Valentine’s Day.
I wonder if we really know…. I don’t think I do. I can’t say that I’ve ever been “in love” with
anyone. I laugh when I hear people tell
me they “love” their boyfriend/girlfriend after a week of dating. Love can’t be that superficial, can it? Do we throw this seemingly intense and deep
emotion around so casually?
For anyone who knows me, I’m a hopeless romantic. I enjoy chick flicks and frequently think I
was born in the wrong century, as I am under the impression that the days of
Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility would suit me much better. I read these stories and watch the movies and
think, “I can’t believe they have so much self-control!” I mean seriously, we have lost so much. Men don’t express their intentions first
before letting go of their emotions like they once did. Sorry. That could be a completely different
blog. I digress.
The last few weeks I have been feeling this swirl of emotion
around me. I tend to just sit back and
let it run its course, but some interesting events have occurred and I’m
starting to get the smallest amount of clarity.
I have been exceptionally lonely lately when I start feeling this way;
it’s typically a BIG red flag that I am not doing the things I need to be doing
to stay on track spiritually. So after a
considerable amount of journaling and some amazing talks with friends, I have
come to the conclusion that I am being pursued.
There is a man, who wants me to know what it’s like to be loved and to
love. It’s almost frightening at how
intense it feels.
This man knows me. He
knows my personality. He knows my likes
and dislikes. He has attended to my heart and has been nothing but a
gentleman. He waits patiently for me to
trust him like he trusts me. He wants a
relationship with me. He frequently
comes to me despite my unworthiness, my mistakes, my lack of attention toward
him and whispers gently in my ear, “I like you”.
Oh, how I push him away.
Most often because I think I have failed him. I have set my gaze on other things. This man, Jesus, knowing my frame and how I
was created, knowing my deepest hurts, knowing my greatest fears, lovingly
looks me in the eyes and says “I love you.
You are enough. You have not
disappointed me. Trust me with your
heart, because I trust you with mine.”
I ask him often enough, “Are you sure you want to love
me? I really messed up. Do you really know who I am because I’m weak
and I get distracted by other things?”
Oh how he pursues me. His
affection never waivers, his words remain the same. “I love you.
Don’t you know that I know you?
Don’t you know that I am jealous for you? I will not stop pursuing you until I have
your whole heart.”
Who is this man? Who
is this one who stepped out of heaven and took on the form of a human
being? Who is this blameless one who
chose to be beaten and broken? Who chose
to die for me?
He looks me in the eye and tells me, “I did it for you. I
love you.“ The depths of this love I cannot comprehend. Ephesians talks about the length, the width,
the depths and the height of his love for me.
His affection for me is like an ocean with no boundaries. How incomprehensible!
He is pursuing me. He
has made it clear that he will continue to do so. Is it possible to fully know the affection,
to fully understand this intimate love he so desires? I don’t know if it’s possible on this side,
but I’m willing to go deep into this love.
I’m willing to be pruned for this love.
I’m willing to say “YES” despite the weakness of my heart in this
moment. I want to know this love. I want to know this man.
