Crashing Waves

So, last night as I was driving home from a meeting, the Lord gently nudged me to the prayer room.  After about five minutes of arguing with Him, I finally said "Fine, I'll go."  Do you ever do that?  Anyway, as usual, I love how He pursues me heart.  It was such a sweet time.  While I was there, I had this revelation about His love.  His love is like the waves of the ocean.   Thinking back to the times I've been in an ocean, it wasn't the most gentle experience.  The waves can push you around, pull you under...it's a force. But then there are those times of gentleness where the waves just roll in.  During different seasons, the force of the waves change.

During different seasons of our lives we experience the fierceness and the gentleness of His love.  His love over takes you, it will pull you under, it will crash over you.  He wants, even needs you to be aware of his love by consuming you with waves and waves on every side.  He doesn't do it because He has to, He does it because that is who He is.  It's His way of getting our attention, of pursuing our heart, of reminding us that He is in love.

He has to get my attention and remind me by crashing in more often than I care to admit.  But I love how He knows just how to get to my heart.  He knows me so well.  He knows you so well.  He knows when He needs to be gentle and when the next wave needs to knock me down and pull me under.  This is the kind of love that has no bounds. That will not end.

This is a love that is bigger than the ocean.  There is no beginning.  There is no end.

^{Ephesians 3:17-19
17} so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Love...

Love…

As I think about this word I wonder, what is LOVE?  We frequently throw out the word or the words “I love you”.  I mean let’s face it, I love my animals, I love my family, I love my friends, I love what I do.  But what is love?  We as a culture are bombarded with LOVE in February in regard to Valentine’s Day. 

I wonder if we really know…. I don’t think I do.  I can’t say that I’ve ever been “in love” with anyone.  I laugh when I hear people tell me they “love” their boyfriend/girlfriend after a week of dating.  Love can’t be that superficial, can it?  Do we throw this seemingly intense and deep emotion around so casually? 

For anyone who knows me, I’m a hopeless romantic.  I enjoy chick flicks and frequently think I was born in the wrong century, as I am under the impression that the days of Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility would suit me much better.  I read these stories and watch the movies and think, “I can’t believe they have so much self-control!”  I mean seriously, we have lost so much.  Men don’t express their intentions first before letting go of their emotions like they once did.  Sorry. That could be a completely different blog.  I digress.

The last few weeks I have been feeling this swirl of emotion around me.  I tend to just sit back and let it run its course, but some interesting events have occurred and I’m starting to get the smallest amount of clarity.  I have been exceptionally lonely lately when I start feeling this way; it’s typically a BIG red flag that I am not doing the things I need to be doing to stay on track spiritually.  So after a considerable amount of journaling and some amazing talks with friends, I have come to the conclusion that I am being pursued.  There is a man, who wants me to know what it’s like to be loved and to love.  It’s almost frightening at how intense it feels. 

This man knows me.  He knows my personality.  He knows my likes and dislikes. He has attended to my heart and has been nothing but a gentleman.  He waits patiently for me to trust him like he trusts me.  He wants a relationship with me.  He frequently comes to me despite my unworthiness, my mistakes, my lack of attention toward him and whispers gently in my ear, “I like you”.

Oh, how I push him away.  Most often because I think I have failed him.  I have set my gaze on other things.  This man, Jesus, knowing my frame and how I was created, knowing my deepest hurts, knowing my greatest fears, lovingly looks me in the eyes and says “I love you.  You are enough.  You have not disappointed me.  Trust me with your heart, because I trust you with mine.” 

I ask him often enough, “Are you sure you want to love me?  I really messed up.  Do you really know who I am because I’m weak and I get distracted by other things?”  Oh how he pursues me.  His affection never waivers, his words remain the same.  “I love you.  Don’t you know that I know you?  Don’t you know that I am jealous for you?  I will not stop pursuing you until I have your whole heart.” 

Who is this man?  Who is this one who stepped out of heaven and took on the form of a human being?  Who is this blameless one who chose to be beaten and broken?  Who chose to die for me? 

He looks me in the eye and tells me, “I did it for you. I love you.“ The depths of this love I cannot comprehend.  Ephesians talks about the length, the width, the depths and the height of his love for me.  His affection for me is like an ocean with no boundaries.  How incomprehensible! 

He is pursuing me.  He has made it clear that he will continue to do so.  Is it possible to fully know the affection, to fully understand this intimate love he so desires?  I don’t know if it’s possible on this side, but I’m willing to go deep into this love.  I’m willing to be pruned for this love.  I’m willing to say “YES” despite the weakness of my heart in this moment.  I want to know this love.  I want to know this man.